i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
we're making bets on your personal life
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
