using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.