my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
