He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.