yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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