I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
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I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.