yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?