what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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