On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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