dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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