he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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