woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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