dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
