well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
