I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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