just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
