i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
it glows. i had to have it.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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