pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
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