She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
