I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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