my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
