The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
