Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
