I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
