I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
