As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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