His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
