Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
