Non-Jews are for practice
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
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