so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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