I want you more than these girls want KFC
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
