i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
whose parrot is this?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
