my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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