textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
