have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
