Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
