Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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