I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
