Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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