someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
