Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
