It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
