Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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