All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
