I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize