oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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