You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
