I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
