haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
