First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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