I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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