Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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