my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
