I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
