Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Pooping to opera.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
