Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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