like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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