she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
