Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I currently don't understand fingers.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
