New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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