thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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