i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
