mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
