i just snorted my name. best moment ever
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
