I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
