Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
