ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
