Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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