i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
