im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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