I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
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He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
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My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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