Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
