If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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