i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
