Where is the hickey?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
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