Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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