My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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