So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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