Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
