I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
