my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize